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\n<\/div>\nPeople don’t do what’s best for them, they do what they’re used to<\/h2>\n
Most of the time people react to things on autopilot. They just go with whatever feels most familiar. And if you ask someone why they did something, their answer will usually be automatic too. You’ll get a made-up logical explanation, something that sounds reasonable and makes sense. That’s the brain kicking in with a justification or a “safe” explanation.<\/p>\n
The brain’s job is basically to come up with a logical answer. To keep you doing what you’ve always done and stop you from trying anything new. The brain believes one thing above all: “New equals risky. If I stick to what I’ve done before, I’ll survive.”<\/p>\n
The foundation of real change is an “uncomfortable ” explanation of your behavior.<\/h2>\n
Any event can be explained in two ways: the “safe” or “uncomfortable ” one. If someone reacts automatically, the brain will jump in and explain why what they did was actually the best thing for them. That kind of explanation is what I call a “safe” explanation.<\/b><\/p>\n
That kind of explanation justifies the automatic reaction. And here’s the trap, you think it was your own choice. But really, it was just your autopilot kicking in again. The brain goes, “You did everything right. That wasn’t automatic, that was thoughtful, intentional, totally your decision. What you did fits who you are. Even if you had more time to think it through, you’d still choose the exact same thing.”<\/p>\n
To start becoming more self-aware, you’ve got to look for the uncomfortable explanation of your behavior. That means asking: why might the way I acted not be the best for me?<\/b> Don’t just go with the first answer your brain gives you. Of course the “safe” explanation feels better, it says you did the right thing, made a smart choice and did what’s best for you. That kind of thinking saves energy, because then you don’t need to change anything. And your brain avoids the risk of trying something new.<\/p>\n
The uncomfortable explanation does the opposite, it makes you slow down, think and reflect. What if your automatic reaction isn’t actually helpful, but harmful? The truth is, when we first formed those reactions, we didn’t really have time to consciously choose from all the options. We just went with whatever came up first. And there it became a habit.<\/p>\n
Just because you learn to see the uncomfortable explanation doesn’t mean it’s the only true one. But it gives you something important – a choice. You get a moment where you can consciously decide whether to keep your reaction or change it.<\/p>\n
Examples of “safe” and “uncomfortable ” behavior:<\/h3>\n
The first example.<\/b>
\nI’ve hired several people for lead roles at our company. A few of those hires didn’t work out, we ended up parting ways after just a couple of months.<\/p>\n
“safe” explanation:<\/i> It’s better to promote people who’ve already been with the company for a while. I trust them more and they already understand how things work internally.<\/p>\n
“uncomfortable ” explanation:<\/i> I’m afraid someone in the company might be more experienced than me. I avoid competition, so I end up pushing away strong candidates on purpose.<\/p>\n
The second example.<\/b>
\nA. dreams of launching a finance project in the US market. But instead, he’s been living in Moscow and working at a big consulting firm for the past seven years.<\/p>\n
“safe” explanation:<\/i> to take a risk and start something in the US, I need to build up some capital first, A. says. Plus, he’s climbing the career ladder and a partnership at his firm is already on the horizon.<\/p>\n “uncomfortable ” explanation:<\/i> A. is afraid to take responsibility for something new. He’s worried he might fail. Deep down, he’s not even sure he really wants it. His current situation is convenient, no need to risk anything or take real ownership. He can keep telling people he’s a future entrepreneur, not just another corporate guy. He gets to scroll through TechCrunch, share fintech news with coworkers and look like he’s “in the game” without actually doing anything.<\/p>\n The third example:<\/b> “safe” explanation:<\/i> F. expected his wife to keep growing professionally during her pregnancy. He wanted her to stay curious and passionate about things the same way he is. She didn’t really engage in conversations about his work or laugh at his jokes, that created distance between them.<\/p>\n “uncomfortable ” explanation:<\/i> F. isn’t that interested in his own work. So when he tried to share his thoughts about it, his wife didn’t respond the way he hoped, not because she didn’t care, but because he couldn’t express it in a way that sparked real connection. On top of that, he was scared of the responsibility of becoming a father. So he started focusing on everything that was “wrong” in the relationship as a way to justify leaving.<\/p>\n For real change to happen, a person has to see where their habits are actually taking them long-term. **They have to realize that if they don’t shift that trend, it’s it’s a dead end. Literally. They’ll live less and feel less alive.<\/p>\n The same mechanism that once helped a person survive is what keeps them from seeing their own trend. The same mechanism that once helped a person survive is what keeps them from seeing their own trend. It’s the thing that helps us form habits and protects us from trying new, risky reactions. But it also blocks us from seeing where those habits are really taking us over time. It’s the thing that helps us form habits and protects us from trying new, risky reactions. But it also blocks us from seeing where those habits are really taking us over time.<\/b><\/p>\n As we go through life, we actually get signals telling us it’s time to shift the trend. Some are emotional signals like loneliness, apathy, low moods that won’t go away, anger or a deep sense of emptiness. Others come from the outside, struggling to build real connections with family or friends, failed projects, hobbies that just don’t bring joy anymore. If someone ignores these signals for too long, the body can start speaking up too, like back pain from carrying too much responsibility. The signals show up through people around you: family, friends, partners, and through the simple fact that things just aren’t working.<\/p>\n Noticing the trend is uncomfortable, especially if you’ve spent years justifying your behavior to yourself and others with “safe” explanations. Admitting there’s an uncomfortable reason behind it means facing the fact that you haven’t been living in the best way. And once you admit that, you’re faced with the need to change. That’s scary. It takes a lot of energy and real courage to actually start changing.<\/p>\n The uncomfortable explanation usually comes from people who actually care about you, like family, close friends or a therapist. A therapist is often the better option in these conversations because they don’t have hidden agendas, unlike loved ones, whose personal motives you also have to consider. People outside your inner circle usually won’t give you that kind of feedback, it’s risky. They know it could lead to pushback, anger, defensiveness or even hostility.<\/p>\n To notice your own trend and change, you need three things:<\/p>\n Being able to recognize your emotions helps you figure out what kind of life really works for you. Emotions come from the unconscious.<\/b> And the unconscious has two parts: your personal one, shaped by your own experience, and the collective one, shaped by everything past generations went through. Those before us already learned what kind of life helps us survive. Your personal unconscious carries a deep need for love. So at the core, we’re all driven by two things: the need to stay alive and the need to be loved. That’s why therapists often ask people to focus on their feelings as emotions help you find your way through life.<\/p>\n Courage is what helps you actually integrate the experience. You often hear people say, “I get it, but I still can’t do anything about it.” That’s because there’s a gap between understanding and integration and to close it, you need new experiences. You have to start acting differently. Only then can the brain see that there are other possible outcomes besides the automatic reaction it’s used to. To do that, you need to go through three steps:<\/p>\n Step one is when the brain understands.<\/b> At this stage, you’ve heard enough uncomfortable explanations to see your old patterns clearly.<\/p>\n Step two is when the brain starts to believe<\/b>. To believe, it needs new experience, you have to act differently and break out of your usual habits.<\/p>\n Step three is when the brain integrates it<\/b>. Now it starts creating new explanations, why the new way is actually better than the old one.<\/p>\n Conclusion<\/b> To change, you need three things:<\/p>\n Responsibility, whether at work or in personal relationships is always split the same way: 100% on one side and 100% on the other. When you’re working toward a goal together, it’s not about shifting the responsibility onto someone else. It’s about agreeing on how to build a system that will help you reach that goal.<\/p>\n The moment someone says, “I’m 99% responsible,” they’re already starting to give up control over the outcome. And if things don’t go well, it’s easy to just blame the other person. That’s how you slip into a victim mindset. And once you’re there, it’s hard to learn or figure out how to actually get things done.<\/p>\n — Okay, but if I’m not blaming anyone and taking full responsibility, how am I supposed to get things done? I can’t do everything by myself.<\/p>\n When you discussed the task as a team, you were actually building a system together, figuring out how you’d work to reach the goal. So if the result doesn’t happen, the only thing worth focusing on is how to improve that system. What needs fixing to make it work? The key question isn’t “Who’s to blame?” but “How do we improve the system to get the result?”<\/p>\n In all of this, we’re assuming the people you work or build relationships with actually want to get things done. But if they don’t, even then, it’s on you. You’re the one who chose to work with them. That’s 100% your responsibility. And chances are, there’s something in it for you, some reason you picked that person or keep acting in a way that stops you from getting the result.<\/p>\n When I started Biz-cen.ru, I was responsible for pretty much everything. And when the first team members joined, I was sure they’d mess things up, make mistakes, miss the mark, maybe even ruin our chances. But the truth is, that mistrust wasn’t about protecting the business. It came from my need to control everything and feel important. Whenever someone on the team got something wrong, I’d jump in and tell them they were doing it wrong. But people don’t like feeling blamed and pretty quickly, our conversations would turn into blame-and-defend mode.<\/p>\n It took me a while, but I finally realized there’s no point in blaming anyone. What actually helps is getting the team together and figuring out how to improve the system so we can do better tomorrow than we did today. That simple shift really worked. First, it made it clear who actually fits the team and shares our values. And second, people started to feel like they mattered, because they had the power to make a difference. When you give people space to make decisions, you give them a chance to show what they care about.<\/b><\/p>\n People differ in how they solve problems. And there are two key traits that define your approach: first, taking responsibility; second, the ability to build systems. That means setting up parallel processes that not only help you solve the problem faster but also keep it from coming back in the same way later.<\/p>\n Let’s use a simple example: you’re in a village and your cousin’s house catches fire while he’s away. What you do next shows a lot about how you deal with problems and if this were at work, it would say a lot about your professionalism. There are five levels of how you can handle a situation like this.<\/p>\n Level one.<\/b> You see the house on fire and just start running around yelling, “Ahhh! Fire! We need to do something!”<\/p>\n Level two.<\/b> You grab a couple of buckets, run to the pond and start hauling water back and forth, hoping you can put out the fire.<\/p>\n Level three.<\/b> You call Nick and Mike from the next house over. You tell them what to bring, where the pond is and what they need to do.<\/p>\n Level four.<\/b> You tell your younger son to run and call everyone from the neighboring houses. Once they show up, you organize a bucket line from the pond to the burning house. Fire’s out.<\/p>\n Level five.<\/b> Same as level four, but you also figure out the fire started because of old wiring. You call an electrician to fix it and while they’re there, you ask him to ground the roof antennas too.<\/p>\n At level five, you took full responsibility for getting results. But you didn’t do it all alone, you got others involved and set up parallel processes that kept things moving without needing your constant attention. And in the end, you made sure the same problem wouldn’t happen again. What level of fire-fighting skills do you want the people on your team to have?<\/p>\n Takeaways:<\/b><\/p>\n Since each of us has our own story, we all live in different realities. Reality is how a person interprets everything that happens in their life, what they find daily proof of and choose to believe is true. Interpretation is how we explain the reasons behind our actions.<\/p>\n People can interpret the exact same event in completely different ways and they can all be right. So when someone says, “Let’s look at the facts realistically,” they’re being manipulative. What they’re really doing is trying to convince you that their version of reality is more real than yours.<\/p>\n We had a moment in a therapy group with two business partners O. and K. The group had just started and O. was running late. K. decided to share that things at their company were a mess: employees were quitting, clients weren’t paying, and the business was about to shut down. Right then, O. walked in. He cut in and shared his view of things: they were updating the team, which was a good thing, new people mean fresh ideas. Yes, clients owed them money, but the company was still going, which meant they’d have a lot of cash soon when payments came in. Overall, things were going well.<\/p>\n O. and K. were both right. They just had different realities. A person’s reality is shaped by what they believe. And behind every belief, there’s a set of core convictions or things they rely on.<\/p>\n How you spend your free time, whether it’s at work, at the gym or with your family. How you do or don’t build friendships. Where you choose to spend your time, energy and money. All of that is the truest expression of what you really believe in All of that is the truest expression of what you really believe in and what actually matters to you.<\/p>\n People often come up with different ways to interpret the same events. But what someone does consistently says a lot more about what they believe and the reality they live in.<\/p>\n For example, T. thought he was a good friend. He made friends easily and joined group hobbies, but he always ended up in a big fight and cut ties. After that, he’d start looking for new ones. For T., friendship wasn’t really about connection. What mattered most was proving his belief that people can’t be trusted and that long-term relationships don’t work. Friendship was just a way to confirm that belief.<\/p>\n What we believe isn’t always easy to notice. Our habits and environment feel normal because we’ve lived with them for so long. Like fish don’t notice the water, we don’t notice our automatic reactions. Some examples: staying in a relationship just to keep proving that people can’t be trusted, or working at a job that makes you believe work-life balance isn’t possible.<\/p>\n Who we are is like bad breath. We might want to connect with others, but they keep their distance. And we don’t understand why, because we don’t even realize the bad smell is there.<\/p>\n To really see your beliefs and yourself, you need an outside perspective. But not just any perspective, it has to be a trained one, someone who can see more than just your actions. They can spot the cause-and-effect behind what you do. This kind of observer can help you notice the patterns in your behavior, the ones that keep bringing your life back to the same familiar place.<\/p>\n The person you talk to should help you stay out of a victim mindset where you blame other people or outside things for what’s going on in your life. It’s easy to fall into that trap. If it’s someone else’s fault, then you don’t have to do anything to change it.<\/p>\n That’s why you can take a universal approach to life, believing that you’re responsible for everything that happens. And by everything, that means truly everything: the past, the present and the future.<\/p>\n For example: The best part of this mindset is that it puts you in the present. If you accept that you’re the reason things happen, then you can change them. If you can change them, you have a reason to act. And when you act with awareness, that’s what it means to truly live.<\/p>\n You have your past experience and it tells you that the way you’ve been doing things keeps you alive. You’re still here, so your old way must have worked. But change is unknown. It’s risky. It means stepping into something new and that can feel scary and unsafe.<\/p>\n Change takes energy and energy is limited. Changing a habit takes even more. One of the brain’s jobs is to explain why you shouldn’t change your belief, so it can save that energy. Any situation can be seen in terms of pros and cons: Since every situation has two sides, the brain can easily come up with explanations that keep your beliefs intact and logically justify why you shouldn’t change anything. That’s why people often say, “Just do it”, so your brain doesn’t get a chance to make excuses to keep things the same. The brain isn’t always a good partner when you want to change. You can’t fully trust it, it’s wired to protect your status quo.<\/p>\n Takeaways:<\/b><\/p>\n I attended Vladimir Gerasichev’s “Context<\/a>” training. I first heard about it from Yuri Belonoshchenko<\/a> and Vladimir Voloshin<\/a>, they mentioned it during their talks at Skolkovo. The training offers a clear, solid take on what results, responsibility, choice, and feedback really mean.<\/p>\n The training runs for three days straight from 10 AM to 8 PM. The first two days were led by Mikhail Moskotin<\/a>, who was energetic, intense and funny. Maybe he had this mindset to lead “better” than the creator of the training. Whatever it was, it worked. Mikhail was really inspiring. The third day was with Vladimir Gerasichev<\/a> and it had a much calmer vibe.<\/p>\n Mikhail put the goal of the training into words like this: learn to accept other points of view and clearly show the other person that you understand them. He suggests approaching the material with a learning mindset, asking yourself, “What if this is true?” Here’s some truth:<\/p>\n The training suggests dividing the whole world into what’s “important” and what’s “not important.” Important things are those that actually show up in real life. Unimportant things are those that don’t produce real-world results. Example: if we agreed to meet at 10:00 and I showed up on time, that means the meeting was important to me. If I really want abs but keep eating fries late at night, abs aren’t important to me – fries are. You can easily check what’s important or not by looking at your real-life results.<\/p>\n Everything you have today comes directly from the viewpoints you hold. Everything you don’t have is also because of your viewpoints. The idea behind “Context” is that you can always choose another viewpoint and change how you see a situation.<\/p>\n You always win the game you’re playing. So, if your interpretation of the world is that everyone around you is an idiot, you might move to another country. But all those idiots will move with you.<\/p>\n No one has direct access to a “non-interpreted event.” I interpret an event through my own experience. And if I choose to view the event from a certain angle, chances are I’m getting some kind of benefit from seeing things that way.<\/p>\n Wishing something has nothing to do with action or results. I might say I want to learn to ride a motorcycle or earn a million dollars, but if it’s not actually happening, it means I don’t really care, it’s just not important enough.<\/p>\n If I don’t like my current job or I’m unhappy about my relationship with my parents, it means I get something out of that viewpoint. Even if I change the scenery and switch jobs, I’ll probably still feel unhappy. Enthusiasm and interest are something I can choose. If I’m excited to work in IT, I can also choose to feel excited about digging potatoes. I’m responsible for choosing how I feel about what I do.<\/p>\n What I “want” doesn’t actually connect with what I do. Action and desire aren’t tied together. I can choose to do something if it’s important enough to me. There’s a simple way to check this: There are two positions I can take in life: victim or author. A victim is someone who believes that external forces or other people control their outcomes. Victims blame their results on competitors, emotions, childhood, traffic, weather, circumstances, horoscopes, solar storms or even illness. An author believes everything depends on them, that they’re stronger than their circumstances. And it’s completely my choice which role to take.<\/p>\n Victims feel comfortable with other victims because they reinforce each other’s excuses. They’re uncomfortable being around authors, it’s just too challenging.<\/p>\n When I do something, I’m the author. When I’m stuck thinking, I’m a victim.<\/p>\n Real conversations only happen when both sides take responsibility. Otherwise, conversations turn into explaining why something didn’t happen instead of achieving results. A great example: if I have results, I just show them – no explanation needed. But if I don’t have results, I start gathering analytics and detailed explanations. If the result isn’t there, clearly it wasn’t important to me.<\/p>\n Saying “the goal itself doesn’t inspire me” shifts responsibility onto the goal. Or when someone says “I’m looking for my life’s purpose”, it’s like waiting around for luck. They’re hoping someday they’ll fully express themselves when they finally find the perfect thing. Or the excuse: “leaders are born, not made.” All these examples illustrate a victim’s mindset, it’s comfortable because there’s no risk involved, no real action required and it allows people to complain about circumstances controlling their lives.<\/p>\n What if there’s no such thing as the “right” or “wrong” goal, but instead, I just make excuses for not reaching it?<\/p>\n In every moment, I’m fully expressing myself, just like a sparkler burning brightly. I can’t express myself better now than a second ago. If I’m still looking for my life’s calling, searching is clearly important to me, not actually doing it. Every choice has a benefit and a cost. For example, the benefit of “searching for my life’s calling” is avoiding mistakes, staying comfortable and never having to take responsibility. The price is wasting time, not moving toward goals and failing to push my team forward. When going after a new goal, I could enjoy the thrill, but the thrill comes at the price of risk.<\/p>\n People work with me based on whether I keep my word. First, if I am ready to take responsibility. Second, if I deliver on my promises. Do I typically act as an author or a victim? When do I start blaming external factors for my failures? I’m smart enough to always find excuses, but if I approach like this, results clearly aren’t important to me. I know this because in reality, I don’t have them.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/fear@2x.jpg\")
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\nDuring his wife’s pregnancy, F. realized he didn’t love her and decided to leave the family. F. believes that society puts too much pressure on the idea of family.<\/p>\nWhy do people change at all?<\/h2>\n
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\nMost of what we do in life is just automatic reactions. The brain sticks to what’s familiar and backs it up with “safe” explanations to keep us from changing. Most of the time, people don’t do what’s best for them, they do what they’re used to. Real change only happens when a person realizes that if they don’t change, it’s a dead end.<\/p>\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/fire@2x.jpg\")
\n<\/div>\nHow do people share responsibility?<\/h2>\n
Focus on the system, not on who’s to blame<\/h2>\n
How do you get things done?<\/h2>\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/responsobility@2x.jpg\")
\n<\/div>\nWhat a person believes in is real<\/h2>\n
The ultimate expression of a person’s belief is their actions<\/h2>\n
The best way to grow is by taking responsibility<\/h2>\n
\nYou’re responsible for the past, like the fact that World War II happened.<\/b> Your responsibility is to know history and make sure it never happens again.
\nYou’re responsible for the present, like when you threw out your back.<\/b> Maybe you created that situation so you could finally rest and take a few days off work. A more active approach would be to start listening to yourself sooner, so your body doesn’t have to force you to slow down in the only way it can.<\/p>\nThe role of nature and the brain in changing belief<\/h2>\n
\nA boy got into a fight. Pro – he’s brave. Con – he doesn’t know how to solve problems with words.
\nA king took a city by tricking the enemy. Con – he didn’t prove himself in battle. Pro – he saved the lives of soldiers on both sides.<\/p>\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/kontekst.png\")
\n<\/div>\nFormat<\/h2>\n
Interpretation<\/h2>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/intrepr.png\")
\n<\/div>\n
\nyou want ≠ you don’t do
\nyou want ≠ you do
\nyou don’t want ≠ you don’t do
\nyou don’t want ≠ you do
\nThis whole idea of “I just don’t want it badly enough” is nothing. It simply means it’s not important enough to me.<\/p>\nResponsibility<\/h2>\n
Choice<\/h2>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/fear.png\")
\n<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/mazurchak.com\/pictures\/ab.jpg\")
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