About belief, responsibility and your role in WW II
What a person believes in is real
Since each of us has our own story, we all live in different realities. Reality is how a person interprets everything that happens in their life, what they find daily proof of and choose to believe is true. Interpretation is how we explain the reasons behind our actions.
People can interpret the exact same event in completely different ways and they can all be right. So when someone says, “Let’s look at the facts realistically,” they’re being manipulative. What they’re really doing is trying to convince you that their version of reality is more real than yours.
We had a moment in a therapy group with two business partners O. and K. The group had just started and O. was running late. K. decided to share that things at their company were a mess: employees were quitting, clients weren’t paying, and the business was about to shut down. Right then, O. walked in. He cut in and shared his view of things: they were updating the team, which was a good thing, new people mean fresh ideas. Yes, clients owed them money, but the company was still going, which meant they’d have a lot of cash soon when payments came in. Overall, things were going well.
O. and K. were both right. They just had different realities. A person’s reality is shaped by what they believe. And behind every belief, there’s a set of core convictions or things they rely on.
The ultimate expression of a person’s belief is their actions
How you spend your free time, whether it’s at work, at the gym or with your family. How you do or don’t build friendships. Where you choose to spend your time, energy and money. All of that is the truest expression of what you really believe in and what actually matters to you
People often come up with different ways to interpret the same events. But what someone does consistently says a lot more about what they believe and the reality they live in.
For example, T. thought he was a good friend. He made friends easily and joined group hobbies, but he always ended up in a big fight and cut ties. After that, he’d start looking for new ones. For T., friendship wasn’t really about connection. What mattered most was proving his belief that people can’t be trusted and that long-term relationships don’t work. Friendship was just a way to confirm that belief.
What we believe isn’t always easy to notice. Our habits and environment feel normal because we’ve lived with them for so long. Like fish don’t notice the water, we don’t notice our automatic reactions. Some examples: staying in a relationship just to keep proving that people can’t be trusted, or working at a job that makes you believe work-life balance isn’t possible.
The best way to grow is by taking responsibility
Who we are is like bad breath. We might want to connect with others, but they keep their distance. And we don’t understand why, because we don’t even realize the bad smell is there.
To really see your beliefs and yourself, you need an outside perspective. But not just any perspective, it has to be a trained one, someone who can see more than just your actions. They can spot the cause-and-effect behind what you do. This kind of observer can help you notice the patterns in your behavior, the ones that keep bringing your life back to the same familiar place.
The person you talk to should help you stay out of a victim mindset where you blame other people or outside things for what’s going on in your life. It’s easy to fall into that trap. If it’s someone else’s fault, then you don’t have to do anything to change it.
That’s why you can take a universal approach to life, believing that you’re responsible for everything that happens. And by everything, that means truly everything: the past, the present and the future.
For example:
You’re responsible for the past, like the fact that World War II happened. Your responsibility is to know history and make sure it never happens again.
You’re responsible for the present, like when you threw out your back. Maybe you created that situation so you could finally rest and take a few days off work. A more active approach would be to start listening to yourself sooner, so your body doesn’t have to force you to slow down in the only way it can.
The best part of this mindset is that it puts you in the present. If you accept that you’re the reason things happen, then you can change them. If you can change them, you have a reason to act. And when you act with awareness, that’s what it means to truly live.
The role of nature and the brain in changing belief
You have your past experience and it tells you that the way you’ve been doing things keeps you alive. You’re still here, so your old way must have worked. But change is unknown. It’s risky. It means stepping into something new and that can feel scary and unsafe.
Change takes energy and energy is limited. Changing a habit takes even more. One of the brain’s jobs is to explain why you shouldn’t change your belief, so it can save that energy. Any situation can be seen in terms of pros and cons:
A boy got into a fight. Pro – he’s brave. Con – he doesn’t know how to solve problems with words.
A king took a city by tricking the enemy. Con – he didn’t prove himself in battle. Pro – he saved the lives of soldiers on both sides.
Since every situation has two sides, the brain can easily come up with explanations that keep your beliefs intact and logically justify why you shouldn’t change anything. That’s why people often say, “Just do it”, so your brain doesn’t get a chance to make excuses to keep things the same. The brain isn’t always a good partner when you want to change. You can’t fully trust it, it’s wired to protect your status quo.
Takeaways:
- The reality you live in comes from what you believe.
- You can understand what someone believes by looking at their actions and the results.
- Take responsibility to grow.
- The brain fights change, don’t trust it.